2022 was an unbelievable sports year. As in, you weren’t sure what you could believe.
Did Georgia really win its first national championship since the Iranian hostage crisis?
Did a member of the 2019 Penn men’s swimming team really win the 2022 NCAA women’s 500-yard freestyle?
Did a chess grandmaster really use a vibrating sex toy to cheat his way to the top?
And what was it with all those superstars telling people to buy cryptocurrency? When FTX collapsed, Shaquille O’Neal said he didn’t even know if crypto was real.
“From my experience, it is too good to be true,” he told CNBC.
Real or fake? Crypto would be the official currency of 2022.
Before we cash in what’s left of the year, here’s a fond look back on what happened. Or might have happened.
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Georgia wins its first national championship in 41 years. Kirby Smart celebrates by going back to his hotel room and breaking down tape of Kent State.
With the opening ceremony bearing down, China orders its concentration camps to suspend sneaker production and start manufacturing fake snow.
Australia deports an unvaccinated Novak Djokovic after he refuses to wear a hazmat suit during his first-round match at the Australian Open.
The Bucs try to deport Antonio Brown after he takes off everything except his pants and parades to the locker room during a game against the Jets.
In an attempt to show the world that it’s a bastion of human rights, Saudi Arabia decides to invest $500 billion in a golf tour.
On national signing day, Billy Napier announces Florida has signed 12 players, 12 nutritionists, 11 video analysts, 13 strength coaches, 27 analytics geeks, 34 recruiting specialists, 43 quality control assistants and no defensive coaches.
Phil Mickelson lets slip that the people bankrolling the LIV Tour are “scary motherf—–s.” He steadies his trembling hand long enough to sign a $200 million contract to work for them.
To celebrate the 50th anniversary of Title IX, the NCAA rules that every athlete can compete as a woman.
Russian authorities arrest WNBA star Brittney Griner after claiming they found O.J. Simpson’s gloves in her luggage.
In a Super Bowl commercial, Tom Brady and Giselle Bundchen advise 100 million viewers to buy FTX and bet on the Rams to cover.
Cleveland trades five draft picks and its soul to Houston for Deshaun Watson and 47 sexual misconduct lawsuits to be named later.
Jimbo Fisher hops onstage at the Academy Awards and slaps emcee Nick Saban after Saban claims Texas A&M bought its entire recruiting class.
To celebrate the 50th anniversary of Title IX, Penn’s Lia Thomas won the NCAA women’s 500-yard freestyle by 397 yards.
In his first State of the Union address, Joe Biden announces he is signing with the Lakers.
Augusta National turns down the LIV Tour’s $5 billion offer to move the Masters to the Riyadh Country Club.
To ease America’s growing energy shortage, the Biden administration approves the construction of a 500-square-mile wind farm powered by Stephen A. Smith’s mouth.
After 18 Texas A&M recruits make the Forbes list of America’s 100 richest people, the NCAA Committee on Committees forms an exploratory committee to decide whether it needs a committee to look into making a few NIL rules.
Rich Strike, an 80-1 longshot, wins the Kentucky Derby by three lengths over Lia Thomas.
LIV Tour CEO Greg Norman announces he has signed Dustin Johnson, Sergio Garcia, Byron Nelson and Sam Snead.
The NCAA Committee on Committees votes to form a committee to address whether it should break early for lunch before deciding to form an NIL reform committee.
The Walton family buys the Denver Broncos and signs Russell Wilson to a $242 million contract to be a Walmart greeter.
Arch Manning, the nation’s No. 1 football recruit, commits to Texas. In response, Texas A&M signs Archie, Peyton and Eli Manning to NIL deals. “They don’t have any eligibility left,” Jimbo Fisher said, “but we plan to use them as studs.”
Charl Schwartzel beats Gene Sarazen by two strokes to win the inaugural LIV tournament and its $73 million first prize.
After redesigning the floor plan to accommodate support staff, the grand opening of Florida’s $85 million football facility is delayed when architects realize there is no room left for players.
Negotiations to free Brittney Griner break down after the U.S. insists that Russia take Antonio Brown.
Chase Elliott wins the Quaker State 400 after 23 other drivers drop out because they can’t afford to pay $5.09 a gallon for gas.
In the first of 39 televised hearings, the January 6 Committee says Auburn boosters attempted a coup to overthrow football coach Bryan Harsin.
The FBI raids Mar-a-Lago and finds the U.S. nuclear launch codes and a vintage Herschel Walker USFL bobblehead in Donald Trump’s golf bag.
The NFL suspends Deshaun Watson for 11 games. The Browns sign Bill Cosby to fill in at quarterback until Watson can return.
Congress passes the Inflation Reduction Act which limits Texas A&M to signing only 10 football recruits.
The CDC says it will allow Novak Djokovic to play in the U.S. Open if he gets vaccinated and gives free tennis lessons to Dr. Anthony Fauci.
The chess world is rocked when world champion Magnus Carlsen accuses 19-year-old upstart Hans Niemann of using an adult sex toy in his rectum that vibrated to direct his moves. Carlsen denies cheating and offers to play in the nude.
The NCAA Committee on Committees votes to take a group nap before debating whether to form a committee that will try to figure out if they should get a cut of NIL payments.
The Pentagon announces it will divert $2 billion in Ukrainian defense funds to Miami in order to help develop a secondary that can hold Middle Tennessee State under 45 points.
The fishing world is rocked when two Ohio anglers are accused of stuffing their catches with lead weights to win the prestigious Lake Erie Walleye Trail tournament. The men deny cheating and offer to fish the final round in the nude.
To ease the strain on the transfer portal system, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis sends 50 Miami players to Martha’s Vineyard.
Tom Brady and Giselle Bundchen file for divorce. Under settlement terms, Brady agreed to take custody of Sam Bankman-Fried and the Bucs’ offensive line.
Earth’s population reaches 8 billion people, and at least 23.9% are members of SEC football staffs.
Investigators find a dozen vibrators in Houston’s clubhouse, the Astros offer to play Game 6 of the World Series in the nude.
Vanderbilt, which has no football support staff, beats Florida 31-24.
Lakeland High cornerback Cormani McClain, the nation’s No. 2 football recruit, announces he is signing on to the LIV Tour.
After failing to see a dozen wide-open customers looking for shopping carts, Russell Wilson is replaced as a Walmart greeter by Brett Rypien.
To celebrate the 50th anniversary of Title IX, the NCAA says it will allow the winner of the upcoming World Cup to compete in the Division I women’s soccer tournament.
To emphasize his country’s need for Patriot missiles, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy addressed a joint session of Congress wearing one of Bill Belichick’s sweatshirts.
The U.S. government trades Viktor “Merchant of Death” Bout to Russia in exchange for Brittney Griner and a bag of pierogies.
A star appears above Bethlehem. Three Texas A&M boosters follow it and offer Jesus a load of gold, frankincense and myrrh if he’ll sign with the Aggies. He tells them he has bigger plans and wishes them a Merry Christmas.